Who and what are influences in our lives? I want to be very careful as I approach this subject. When you read the first sentence of this blog you may have already begun to think about the who’s and the what’s in your own personal life. The reason I tread lightly here is our society has changed in such a way that we often find ourselves and those around us ready to place blame. I am not pointing fingers, I am simply stating that there has been a shift in western social norms.
Our influences factor in on how we think and ultimately how we behave, but the size of their power is determined by us. They have no real power in our lives. It must be granted to them by us.
In this blog, I want to break down who our influencers are and then give a brief insight into what leverage we may nor may not have given them. I’m going to start broad then narrow it to the more personal. First, let’s consider the culture in which you live. This piece of your circle creates a norm for your marriage, the size of your family, your gender role, your education, and career choice. This list is far more exhaustive than this, but for the sake of space these are the areas I have chosen.
All around you are suggestions for you in these areas. If you are a career woman you probably gravitate towards those advertisements and conversations in which women are portrayed as powerful. Perhaps, the opposite is true. Maybe you are a career woman who wishes you played a larger role as a mother.
Here’s one I bet you didn’t think of, why are pickup trucks growing in popularity in the United States? They use far more fuel than a family sized car. They are bulkier, they are more difficult for getting in and out of, yet they are one of the fastest growing vehicles. Sooper articles says the one thing that comes to my mind instantly, they represent toughness.[1] Think about advertising for trucks. They either promote fear of the open road without a truck, or they reflect power.
The truth of it is that even if you live in mountains of western U.S. or the northern east coast, snow does not inhibit your driving enough to purchase a four-wheel drive or truck. However, the marketing departments for truck manufacturers want you to think that way. I am not trying to bash on trucks. My point is pay attention in your life to why you make the choices you do. Buying a truck that reflects power in the U.S. fits right into the culture. Becoming a career woman or going to college or building your own home all are built around cultural influence.
Let me turn to more personal influencers. How about elementary school teachers? As a child, you spend a large part of your day with these men and women. More so than in the upper grades where you have multiple teachers. If your parents are working parents and you go home under the “watchful or not so watchful eye” of an older sibling, that teacher takes on greater impact. If your teacher is kind to you, nurtures your individualism, encourages you through your challenges, you develop a sense of confidence. If that teacher’s time is limited and she spends a total of twenty minutes out of six hours talking to you, if he requires a set standard for all the students or brushes you aside when you struggle then the take-away causes you a sense of failure. These are life long inner voices for you. Almost all of you are recalling a teacher that left you with one of these two feelings.
If you apply that experience to your home, your church, your dance class, or sports team that influence is either diminished or magnified. You are human my friend. That means you are who you are because influences made you. But all of that can be shifted. Those voices only have power if you give it to them.
God said, you “are fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). God said, you are created “in our image” (Gen. 1:26). The truth goes back to who you are created to be not who the world has made you to be. The only way to understand this is to align your personal thoughts to that which is predetermined about you.
Here is a small step you can do to determine your inner voices.
- List out your influences. Choose the ones who have had great impact (absentee parents have incredible power, really think through who you list)
- Next to each name list out the inner voice or sense of self you gained through these relationships. For example: Dad: pull yourself up by bootstraps=self-reliance
- This is the hardest part. Determine if you listen to that voice. Circle or highlight them if you allow that voice or person to influence your thinking today.
- The next hardest part. Is that a healthy voice for you? Going back to our example. It’s a catch 22, self-reliance is good to an extent, but if you never allow yourself to let others do it for you then you are rejecting a key component of community which is not healthy.
This blog is meant to help you learn to recognize yourself in a more honest way. You can take it a couple of ways from here. You can use this new skill of recognizing your inner voice and begin to weed out the negative. You can also seek someone to help you process this information. That is a next step in transforming your thoughts into healthy peace-filled living. Easiest way to do that is by going to www.monicaswank.org and schedule a free consultation. You can also get on the waiting list for my workbook coming out in March by sending me a message at contact@monicaswank.com.
-blessings
[1] Johnnie Rame, “The Popularity of Pick-Up Trucks,” Sooper Articles, October 21, 2021. Accessed February 21, 2022. The Popularity of Pick-up Trucks – Trucks (sooperarticles.com)
Monica Swank 