Life alters us every day. The words and actions of others around us impact us for good or bad. Actions of individuals or groups leave us wondering if we should alter our own behavior. We are adaptable, malleable, pliable. Science is not the only arena in which we learn this idea. Philosophers have talked about it for ages, authors have witnessed and recorded it, religious leaders and psychologists depend on it.
This is what makes us so amazing as human beings. It also gives us hope. Both my son and my daughter-in-law worked with teenagers who were trying to make their way through life often without the resources to do so. Even more than that some of these children had been handed a lie early on in their life, but no one had shown them how to see any differently. It is an ongoing struggle in education, public service, and healthcare. It is a belief that who I am when I am born, or what family I am born into is who I will be until I die.
Consider for a minute your age. Then think about how many life altering changes you have experienced personally. If you’re twenty this number has a possibility of being far less than someone who is say, sixty. With each event or trial, you most likely went through some small change in who you are. That often is explained as learning. We gain wisdom either by making the right or wrong decisions.
I believe it is more than this simple explanation. There are several factors that play into it. First, we are who we are designed to be individually and naturally. Secondly, we collect and process information throughout life from those who have influence on us. When we make a spiritual commitment, we are impacted once again. Trauma and crisis play heavily into shaping us. I could go on, but I think these are the greatest factors in defining us at the core.
If we always live into the negative, like some of these teenagers I spoke about we assume nothing else and ultimately stop looking for that change to occur. The example I have used is extreme, but we each have some level of it molding us. In some ways we give up hope of who we could be because it is easier to be who we were ‘destined’ to be at birth. Yet, as I just very briefly suggested this theory is non-existent. So, how do we power through this thought?
I say this all the time, it really comes down to our ability to be honest with ourselves and in my opinion with God. It is dishonest to think that the world does not change for us, that we are stuck in our circumstances for the remainder of our lives because if we look around all of creation suggests otherwise. It is honest to say it will be difficult getting around some of the obstacles present in our piece of the world.
Resource versus help is my mantra so, I would like to leave you with some things for you to try. It is important for you to note however, that these are not solutions. If you find yourself in a place where life looks immovable you might want to consider some choices. Counseling is a great resource, but you should know it is not the only one. There are life coaches, mentors, pastoral caregivers. What I leave you with are simply ideas for shifting your thoughts. They are activities to give you different perspective. When you utilize them correctly, they will only begin the process of change. The next best thing you can do for yourself is to seek out guidance so that the beginning steps become ingrained in you, hopefully creating lasting transformation.
This week as you think about who you are also think about who and what have played a part in who you are.
- List out life circumstances or self-thoughts that you think hold you back?
- Label why.
- Draw out a mountain for each circumstance.
- Label options for reaching the top along the side of the mountain (you should have more than one option)
- Consider and list what resources you can use to obtain these steps.
- Share these choices with someone who empowers you.
I have to tell you that writing out this exercise makes me a little nervous. Choices for scaling the mountain should not have negative consequences. They also must take every person into consideration. Unless you live in a bubble, your actions impact those around you. I do not recommend this exercise for major decisions such as marital or relationships. Those are serious choices that require deeper consideration. This list works best for empowering you to overcome negative thoughts and patterns.
For further information and resources visit www.monicaswank.org. Visit the home page to schedule a mentoring consultation or to contact me.
Monica Swank 