We get our eyes and hair color from our parents. We get the shape of our noses. We get their heart disease and possibly their diabetes. Do we also get their alcoholism or abusive nature? Do they influence our gender identity? We know that physical traits are undeniably passed down from one generation to another, but what about mental characteristics?
In the next few weeks, I am going to be focused on this topic. I will cover some broadly while others will get a little more specific. I am sharing this because it might be a good time to invite a friend or family member to visit and subscribe to my website, www.monicaswank.org. Did you know in addition to the blog, I also do a podcast, Minutes with Monica, and videos? Did you know that I do individual and group sessions? Did you know that I am getting ready to publish a Bible based workbook?
I often speak about the influences of our parents in our lives, but the nagging question for some of us is just how deep does that go? Since I am prone to draw images let me give you this picture. I like to think it is like water. There are streams, creeks, rivers, oceans (and a whole lot more I won’t list). Immediately, you understand that some of these are deeper than others. They each have distinct characteristics, yet they are all water. All offer resources to other life forms in greater capacity than others. So, it is with humans and more specifically with the transfer of traits from one generation to another.
Another phenomenon happens with water. It shapes and molds the earth around it wherever it flows. The earth also impacts the pathways of the water. Therefore, if the suggestion is made that our traits can be symbolized by water, we must theorize that all are changeable.
Let me be clear about something. First, as I am speaking in broader terms, I am not giving any specific diagnosis (something I actually never do). For example, alcoholism has both genetic and learned behavior patterns. While aggression is often developed through observation. Both can be overcome, changed, or transformed in our minds which ultimately reflects in our behaviors. The original question was, do we get these things from our parents.
I believe we do. The Bible speaks very clearly about how we should train a child. There are a few examples I want to share. The first is that we should allow them to be on our own hearts. When something is natural (whether good or bad), we often reflect it in our actions. This is followed up with actions, such as impress them, talk about them, keep them as written symbols that are daily visible (Deut. 6:6-9). If your parents exercised this type of training in your home, you very much were influenced. This speaks specifically to positive teaching, but would you not agree that negative training when reflected regularly in these ways can have just as much influence on us?
Studies show that girls and boys are impacted by the relationships that they have with both their parents individually. Fathers have an incredible power to build up their daughter’s self-esteem or to tear it down. But do they have the ability to influence their children’s gender identities? How about mother’s, what role do they have in the building up or tearing down of their children’s confidence, future role in their own families, social interactions?
I get deeper into these conversations in the weeks to come, I hope you will follow me as we move through understanding ourselves through these relationships to learning how to heal ingrained thought and behavior patterns. Subscribe now to be sure you’re not missing any upcoming blogs.
– blessings
Monica Swank 