A Black Cloud

The rain outside falls heavy on my mind. The dampness it brings seeps into my soul bringing a heaviness that bogs me down. The dark skies creep through the walls of my house and into my heart. I race around inside turning on every light. I turn on upbeat music. I force myself to think happy thoughts. Within the hour, I am curled in a ball, crying. My last-ditch efforts to pray were futile. And now my soul is filled with not just sadness, but darkness that will linger on for the remainder of the day.

Weather has a strange power to impact us this way. It is called SAD or Seasonal affective disorder. I’m not a psychologist so I’m guessing there are more disorders or diseases that are greatly influenced by weather. But that isn’t what the point of this blog is today. Yes, it is part of it, but there’s more.

This story is me. It was my life for years on end. Far too many to count. I would eaves drop when I heard people talk about different treatments. I couldn’t afford to see a counselor or psychologist. I was often suicidal and so some anti-depressants scared me. My mom once reminded me after the birth of my first daughter that I used to dress nice and wear make-up, which I had stopped doing. In a way she was reminding me of routine. The truth of the matter was that I had depression. Each of these activities were helps, but they were not cures. And I was tired of being beaten by some force in my life that I had no control over.

When I saw experts, we treated the depression. We would hash through the stuff in my life that felt oppressive. But and this is a big but – so pay attention. We did not do a few things. If we touched on the events in my life that were traumatic, we didn’t get to the roots. If we talked about childhood influences, we didn’t discuss how they were still feeding my self-identity. If we talked about faith, we didn’t begin to reach the power and depth of the Holy Spirit. And each of these things were not just moments or pieces of my life that impacted me, they were what every aspect of my life was built around.

I am not pointing fingers here I am just stating a fact. Nor am I downplaying the field of psychology. But there are limitations in every area of life. As well as the fact that not all areas address the wholeness of humans. We are complex and as many doctors have said to me, it is a practice. There is no one size fits all in any area of healing, mine included. So, what do we do with this information? How do we go about finding transformation or healing if we can relate to the opening paragraph?

I want to go just for a minute to Scripture. Jesus talks about transformation that occurs in the mind (Rom. 12:2). Jesus knows full well what social and cultural influences are and how they impact us physically, mentally, and spiritually (Zech. 1:4). Jesus also is not unrealistic when he says that healing is not only a reality, but it is so complete that it is freeing (Luke 8:26-39).

If you are stuck in these dark places you need to pursue it. There are many who do healing care that goes deeper than counseling. There is value in returning to your roots, even if your roots take you back to the moment of birth in which you can begin to see beyond any doubt that you are wanted and loved. You need to determine what triggers your oppressive thoughts and behaviors. And you need to find the way out from under these things. One of the first things you can do is consider what is important for you, are you not just religious but spiritual? Does clinical expertise have value for you or is guidance a better option? Do you have deep-seeded trauma in your past? Will it be important if you uncover these events in the context of faith? What profession are you in? Does Satan or evil forces have a stake in keeping you oppressed?

Above all you need to remember this: you are the most amazing human being! You are not like anyone else, and you will never be because you are unique! Your life is precious and valuable to the world. You are beautiful YOU! And that is why I love you.

-blessings