I listened intently as my pastor shared his message, but something was nagging me. It’s not my pastor’s fault. It’s not any pastor’s fault. Rather it is the way that we are each made. Do you remember 9/11? I do more vividly than I care to and because of the way I experienced it, I couldn’t help but to disagree with my pastor when he said, “I wish Jesus would come back right now!”
While it seems oddly different, I actually have a similar reaction when I tell my Aussie, “not right now” when she brings me a toy. You see every time I tell my dog to wait it is out of selfishness. Yes, I might have legit reasons for putting her off, but in reality, most of the time I just don’t feel like moving. Yet, her breed demands this constant movement. She has no control over the situation, I do. She is motivated by nature, I am motivated (or not) by logic. While this example seems silly consider how it could easily be inner linked with some greater thing in our lives. In this case, for me it connects to the emotions that surrounded me during 9/11.
I’ve told this story before, but that day when America stood still with bated breath, I wept. As many lives were lost the realization that many of them were eternally separated from God impacted me in such a way that those emotions and thoughts have never diminished. Up until that point in my life, I had logically reasoned why I could not take the time out to share Jesus with others. Like with my dog, I had pushed it away until later.
What I really hope you will take away from this post is that the human brain has immense power. It physically propels or hinders you. It holds in storehouses, memories that seem somewhat inconsequential to us but that have intense control over us. It allows us to be who we are without our knowledge because it learns our life patterns and equates this to normal response.
If Romans 3:11 is right and no man or woman seeks God on their own, can we conclude that we are not naturally inclined to do good? This is not the same as we are not capable of doing good. This might be a more accurate way to say it, “we have to consciously think about doing good because it is not natural to us.” If this is the case, it does not excuse human evil, but it does create a space in which we can find forgiveness, both for ourselves and others. It also creates a space in which we can learn or relearn. If our life patterns have been negative, according to this we can alter our patterns into more affirming and healthy ones.
I used the particular example because for me it was one of the moments in my life in which my emotions were at an all time high. Everything in and around me that day was intensified, an appreciation for my surroundings, the love for each of my closest family and friends, a innate connection to other humans, and an immense sadness for the loss. I did not recognize my response for crying as connected to my selfish behavior, but years later as I created a map of my life it was easy to recognize as a key event for shaping who I am. It is why I push back against my pastor’s comment. None of us are exempt from this natural brain activity. We are, however, responsible for being aware of it. One way is doing life mapping. When we do it correctly, we begin to develop self-awareness and from there can determine what we need to reshape in order to experience peace in life.
Pushing back against Jesus returning to earth this very moment is not because of the memories in life that I will not experience, but for the future of life that others won’t because I was too selfish to share his story with them. As you have journeyed through life, events that have involved high emotions or high intensity have occurred. How you have responded to them at the time as well as how you continue to respond to them impacts your thoughts and your life far greater than you are likely aware. Life mapping teaches you where these triggers might lie. Exploring and reimagining these events with the right help can lead you to healing and peace.
Remember you do not have to do this alone. There are multiple resources on my website. Additionally, I am always available to work alongside of you to help you make these changes. As I always say, I’m on this journey with you.
-blessings
Monica Swank 