Monica Swank

A Song for the Soul

Spiritual health or well-being is not just an idea drummed up by religious fanatics, it’s a real thing. Everyone that I have ever met has some way of spiritually rejuvenating. As a chaplain, I often hear an immediate response to religion or church when I ask about spiritual activities or exercises. Then a look of shock when I ask them about music or hiking. What do you do to regenerate?

I personally love to get in my car and drive. I crank up the radio and just go. That’s part of it. In this space, I start to quiet the restlessness that has been nagging me. I return to the me that isn’t compounded by the mom, wife, or business owner me. I get back to the piece of me that is designed to naturally engage with the world around me as a part of it. I don’t have to control, orchestrate, or negotiate. I just have to be. This is the beginning of my rest for my soul.

I say this is a start because there is more. In this place, I experience a return. If this is all you do there is some comfort in it. It is similar to what some call centering. It draws us back to an origin. Think of it this way. Going to that place where you gain a sense of restoration is like walking into the doctor’s office or the gym. If you never get on a piece of equipment or never exercise your body, then you do nothing to enhance the physical. This is where we get healthy.

You can experience temporary moments of peace in these places, but it fades. This is more like the rest for the soul – the mind and the spirit. Spiritual well-being comes fully when we feed it. That comes through aligning with the Holy Spirit. It also comes through relationship with the Father. King David asked, “why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me?” (Psalm 43:5) But he goes on and look what he says next. “Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.”

This is a command to his own soul or spirit. “Hope in God.” There is activity in this space. It is not just in the moment of getting away from chaos. David knows from experience that in order to maintain a healthy spirit he must do something. Here he hopes and then praises. He couldn’t open the Bible or an audio app and hear the healing words written. His hope and praise stemmed from recalling the ways in which God had helped him in past times.

The desert mothers and fathers lived removed from the epicenter of life, but they were never without growth or a richness within their own spirit. Prayer was an element of all that they did. We must understand though that when I say prayer, it is not a request for some personal need. It wasn’t a passing show of gratitude for that which God had given to them. They lived simple lives, in the hills and caves of the desert, worldly possessions were not forefront in their minds. The prayers they experienced are recorded. They have become widespread practice. These are moments of listening. Times in which their relationship with God is more important than the trivial places of the world. When we listen and rest in this manner, we are vessels capable of being filled with his goodness.

We also have the Word. I am always amused at people who think the Word didn’t exist before the written document of the Bible. John chapter one says that before creation and at creation the Word was. If Jesus is the Word, then it has always been. We tend to think of the formal written documents we have, but oral words are just as powerful. Ask someone who has been offended by their best friend through a verbal slur. The Word teaches us. It guides us in life decisions. It reminds us of God’s might and love. Part of spiritual well-being comes from daily exercise in the Bible.

So, take out your spiritual weights and start doing some heavy lifting. When it’s been a month you will even notice you’ve lost pounds of “stuff” and started to develop muscle. Spiritual muscle can carry you up the side of a mountain just as well as any other body part you strengthen, even if it isn’t made of stone.

-Blessings

Replanting Our Roots

My blog is about giving resources to my readers so that they can experience a “healthier” self. At the same time that is one of my least favorite tags that people use. In reality the world isn’t about us as individuals, but more about who we are as contributors to our communities. Did you ever see the Lion King? Timon and Pumbaa spent their days trying to make Simba a better lion. Why? If he became King, as his friends, their worries in life were over.

When I thought about this idea I thought about my tagline, “beyond faith to life transformed.” It says the same thing as those who claim to show people how to find healthier living. In fact, the church has called it discipleship for centuries. Without growth we are stagnate. We settle in and eventually weeds grow up around us. This happens regardless if you’re a follower of Jesus or not.

I’ve spent the last month talking about the topic of parental influence in our lives in my blog, podcasts, and videos. Each has presented a different focus. This is an important angle for us to start from when we talk about a healthier psychological and spiritual self. It also ultimately influences our physical self. Today, I want to conclude on this idea of communal health obtained through individual well-being. To do that, I’m going to jump around a bit and bring it from the foundations of Judaism and Christianity.

First, the idea of a healthy community comes out of the creation story in Genesis. The original intent for all life was to live in tandem. No one species was given reign to overuse or abuse. When we as humans live in this self-focused way, it runs counter to our natural design. This should leave you thinking in unselfish terms. A cycle of life in which all contribute to the health of others or the earth. Hear me clearly, I am not talking about a political perspective. I am talking about establishing in ourselves the desire to care about others, as well as all aspects of life, with the same level that we do for our personal selves.

A second thought stems from the development of tribes in Israel. These family groups were put in place to establish order and to build upon the community by teaching the younger generations how to live in a way that honored God. Again, there is no selfish living in this space. The pattern of boundaries is developed here. Not from one social group to another. All members of the greater whole lived together. The boundary was in understanding human limitations. When we grasp a healthy view of these limits, we learn to live within them without destruction to others.

Remember my comment about weeds growing around us? If, we live this way or do nothing towards changing unhealthy patterns that may have been rooted in us, we are not caring for others and we are not comfortable in boundaries. Parents plant seeds in us, but they are not always the ones to water the plant. We spend a very brief time with the serious influence of our parents. Certainly, this can last a lifetime, but a shift occurs in who impacts us the most. By the time we leave our parents home, the seed of who we are is planted. Its roots exist and it has begun to sprout. The true plant grows from this space.

The choices we make in life, the friendships we maintain, the romantic relationships we engage in determine who we become. These are all decided by our actions. Yes, they come from our interpretation of life as was begun by our parents, but we either allow or discard these beliefs. This is the becoming part. Here are some very easy ways to help us measure our choices.

Do those we do life with contribute to their community?
Do those we do life with have concern for all life?
Do those we do life with seek ways to improve themselves in positive ways?

We can then turn those questions around and ask ourselves the same things. If we are continually moving towards understanding ourselves, seeking to improve unhealthy patterns of thought or behaviors, we are growing in such a way that society will benefit. If we are making these decisions so that God’s plan for all humans to be reconciled to him is central to our purpose, then the fertilizer for our souls is the best available. It is in this space that we will find transformation of our ugly places being orchestrated by him.

Keep growing my friends! Blessings for your journey.

You Are NOT Wearing That!

Some of the best conversations I have are with my 17 yr. old daughter. Yesterday, we had a “discussion” about the type of bathing suit she was going to buy this year. Those of you who follow me regularly are probably thinking, “I thought she was talking about the influence of parents this month.” Well, have you ever had to help your daughter to understand what she can put on her body for public viewing? Ha! I would say that revolves completely around the subject.

Actually, it shifted to a dad’s perspective in a more general sense. That ended up including the male and female interpretation of women’s clothing, men seeing women as sexual objects, and on what our respect should equate to for the other gender. Not only do I have 5 daughters, I, also have 2 sons. The talks with the boys are just, if not more, serious than they are with the girls when it comes to the opposite gender.

What I could not make my daughter see was that irregardless of what she thinks her father is really like as a man, she has a fairly healthy vantage point. When she was little, he was the world to her. She snuggled with him, she sought him out to play with her over me. Now, that she is older she butts heads with him on views yet, the way in which she gains her worldly opinions is driven by him.

As a witness of his love and care for a family it has been just the same. He is a provider by nature. Which equates to some absences. On the flipside, he is actively engaged with the kid’s activities. She also may not clearly be able to interpret the love that him and I share. This is how it is with most of us as children. We see and are impacted by the influence of our parents, but we don’t always have the ability to understand it completely.

The topic of women’s clothing choices and how they are misconstrued by some men was a hot topic for her. Why? Because she has never had to doubt her safety with her father. She has had her fair share of arguments about what she will and will not wear, but for the most part he is silent about her clothing. Her choices are developed out of this sense of confidence that she can be her own person without losing her father’s respect.

I am not trying to voice a political viewpoint. Oh, I have my opinions – I am a Taurus! The three of us eventually came around to this topic though. How choices made by the social whole about men and women are often extreme to one side or the other. Let me explain in terms that relate to our parental influence. Both genders are born with innate qualities. Male humans are no different than males of any other species. Their natural tendency is to procreate. That makes them instinctively sexual creatures. Sadly, they get a bad rap for that truth. Of course, most likely because a select number of them abuse it. I digress.

A man that is also a father of a teenage girl must reconcile this natural response. When it is a healthy relationship, they may struggle to view their daughters in clothing that they fully understand is interpreted in a sexual way to some men. Carefully read those words. I am not saying that is her intent nor am I saying it should be perceived that way. There is no blame being placed here. What I am saying is that men are tuned into sex differently than women. They are fully aware of it. Naturally, they are driven this way. As a father and a man, they know other men are driven this way too. They also know that not all men will treat their daughter with the respect and love that she deserves. That is all that he wants for her. Since he knows that things are misconstrued, whether right or wrong, the bikini on his precious, beautiful, teenage daughter is a real source of tension in his mind.

If you are not clear about how this relates to parental influence, let me insert a few concluding thoughts. A healthy, safe relationship with the parent who is of the opposite gender from us allows us to interpret social norms differently than one that is not. We do not have to agree on all topics, but the ability to disagree with our parents allows us to develop our own opinions of our world. Freedom to express our own personality as children, within boundaries and under guidance instills a confidence to face greater challenges in healthier ways.

Yes, there is far more that factors into this subject. We will never fully touch on all of it here. The point of the blog is to give us one particular view from a child and a parent. It is to help us better understand that regardless if it is a healthy or unhealthy upbringing we cannot escape the impact of these early childhood relationships. That leaves us with a choice as adults. If we desire peace in our lives, if we long for some better way, we can either keep pushing through or we can seek out healthy resources to assist us in making that transformation.

Do I Really Act Like My Dad?

Did you ever wonder about those mother – son, father – daughter relationships? Why are they different? What causes us to be more drawn or more distant from one or the other? There are more than a few theories on how these are developed as well as how we are impacted by them. What you find here might resonate with you or feel very obscure. The goal is to encourage you to view your relationships through a lens of understanding. If something seems amiss it is because mental and spiritual health is not a one size fits all, not unlike the physical.

While we do not understand every minute detail of the relationships we have with our parents, there are great things to be learned from viewing them from an outsider perspective. We often hear that we choose our spouses or significant others because they are like our moms or dads, but what does that really mean?

For females a father provides a piece of her identity. He shapes it through his tenderness, or love. His distance in a relationship alters her self-image and ultimately her sexuality. As a child the daughter aims for the father’s attention. The way in which that is received has the potential to shift the ways in which she seeks out future male bonding, especially sexual connections.

On the other side of things men typically gain their masculinity from their mothers. Based upon how they relate to this early relationship they may develop more feminine or masculine qualities, or simply grasp the way to maintain bonds with women. The ability that a man has to commit in his adult sexual or intimate interactions is said to have its roots in how he engaged with his own mother.

Let me use this as an example: a father is absent from a daughter’s life. We know that likely there are important aspects of who she grows into that are influenced by this loss. Yet, to what depth do these go? Women are more prone to early sexual behavior without the guidance of a father. These types of signs can be present as young as 8-9 years of age. These women are not just seeking sexual activity prematurely, they also tend to seek marriage at younger ages.[1] What about the abusive or demanding father? How do positive and doting fathers impact their young daughters? Obviously, I cannot address every angle here in this small space, but it is important to understand that our childhood relationships, especially those with our parents, are deeply ingrained. Regardless of our push back on these formative connections, we are molded.

What happens if a man has a mother with whom he gets too entangled in her femininity? They run the risk of having numerous sexual relationships in order to “conquer” this power of control over their lives.[2] Each opportunity for intimacy will be influenced by this internal thought process.

So, what happens now that you understand this with a little more depth? Are we stuck in these identities that were most likely shaped by our parents unknowingly? Can we avoid creating these types of learned behaviors in our own children? Every thought can be transformed! Some just take more work than others. Again, my go to is the constant reminder we have that Christ says we can be made new in him. If you sense that you may not be in a healthy place, then my recommendation is to reach out to me via my website www.monicaswank.org. Together, we will determine what steps are necessary to start you on the road to personal peace. My response is just the same if it is not a place of difficulty you find yourself in, but rather a transforming of your thought patterns is needed.

We are like every other element of creation in that we are adaptable. We are not meant to live in disharmony with ourselves or others. When we allow Christ to move in us, permanent change can occur. The first step in allowing this to happen is to admit it. This honesty as well as a continual effort to be sincere in the conversations around tough life topics offers us the chance to reach life-long peace. Sometimes you need someone to journey with you. Start with these steps; outside guidance, honesty, sincere effort, and you may find just what you’ve been looking for in life.

-blessings

[1] Victoria Secunda, Women and Their Fathers, (New York, New York, Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc., 1992), p. 198.

[2] Men and Their Mothers, Life Love Leadership, https://lifeloveleadership.com/men-and-their-mothers/.

I Have My Dad’s Nose

We get our eyes and hair color from our parents. We get the shape of our noses. We get their heart disease and possibly their diabetes. Do we also get their alcoholism or abusive nature? Do they influence our gender identity? We know that physical traits are undeniably passed down from one generation to another, but what about mental characteristics?

In the next few weeks, I am going to be focused on this topic. I will cover some broadly while others will get a little more specific. I am sharing this because it might be a good time to invite a friend or family member to visit and subscribe to my website, www.monicaswank.org. Did you know in addition to the blog, I also do a podcast, Minutes with Monica, and videos? Did you know that I do individual and group sessions? Did you know that I am getting ready to publish a Bible based workbook?

I often speak about the influences of our parents in our lives, but the nagging question for some of us is just how deep does that go? Since I am prone to draw images let me give you this picture. I like to think it is like water. There are streams, creeks, rivers, oceans (and a whole lot more I won’t list). Immediately, you understand that some of these are deeper than others. They each have distinct characteristics, yet they are all water. All offer resources to other life forms in greater capacity than others. So, it is with humans and more specifically with the transfer of traits from one generation to another.

Another phenomenon happens with water. It shapes and molds the earth around it wherever it flows. The earth also impacts the pathways of the water. Therefore, if the suggestion is made that our traits can be symbolized by water, we must theorize that all are changeable.

Let me be clear about something. First, as I am speaking in broader terms, I am not giving any specific diagnosis (something I actually never do). For example, alcoholism has both genetic and learned behavior patterns. While aggression is often developed through observation. Both can be overcome, changed, or transformed in our minds which ultimately reflects in our behaviors. The original question was, do we get these things from our parents.

I believe we do. The Bible speaks very clearly about how we should train a child. There are a few examples I want to share. The first is that we should allow them to be on our own hearts. When something is natural (whether good or bad), we often reflect it in our actions. This is followed up with actions, such as impress them, talk about them, keep them as written symbols that are daily visible (Deut. 6:6-9). If your parents exercised this type of training in your home, you very much were influenced. This speaks specifically to positive teaching, but would you not agree that negative training when reflected regularly in these ways can have just as much influence on us?

Studies show that girls and boys are impacted by the relationships that they have with both their parents individually. Fathers have an incredible power to build up their daughter’s self-esteem or to tear it down. But do they have the ability to influence their children’s gender identities? How about mother’s, what role do they have in the building up or tearing down of their children’s confidence, future role in their own families, social interactions?

I get deeper into these conversations in the weeks to come, I hope you will follow me as we move through understanding ourselves through these relationships to learning how to heal ingrained thought and behavior patterns. Subscribe now to be sure you’re not missing any upcoming blogs.

– blessings

A Piece of Art

Life alters us every day. The words and actions of others around us impact us for good or bad. Actions of individuals or groups leave us wondering if we should alter our own behavior. We are adaptable, malleable, pliable. Science is not the only arena in which we learn this idea. Philosophers have talked about it for ages, authors have witnessed and recorded it, religious leaders and psychologists depend on it.

This is what makes us so amazing as human beings. It also gives us hope. Both my son and my daughter-in-law worked with teenagers who were trying to make their way through life often without the resources to do so. Even more than that some of these children had been handed a lie early on in their life, but no one had shown them how to see any differently. It is an ongoing struggle in education, public service, and healthcare. It is a belief that who I am when I am born, or what family I am born into is who I will be until I die.

Consider for a minute your age. Then think about how many life altering changes you have experienced personally. If you’re twenty this number has a possibility of being far less than someone who is say, sixty. With each event or trial, you most likely went through some small change in who you are. That often is explained as learning. We gain wisdom either by making the right or wrong decisions.

I believe it is more than this simple explanation. There are several factors that play into it. First, we are who we are designed to be individually and naturally. Secondly, we collect and process information throughout life from those who have influence on us. When we make a spiritual commitment, we are impacted once again. Trauma and crisis play heavily into shaping us. I could go on, but I think these are the greatest factors in defining us at the core.

If we always live into the negative, like some of these teenagers I spoke about we assume nothing else and ultimately stop looking for that change to occur. The example I have used is extreme, but we each have some level of it molding us. In some ways we give up hope of who we could be because it is easier to be who we were ‘destined’ to be at birth. Yet, as I just very briefly suggested this theory is non-existent. So, how do we power through this thought?

I say this all the time, it really comes down to our ability to be honest with ourselves and in my opinion with God. It is dishonest to think that the world does not change for us, that we are stuck in our circumstances for the remainder of our lives because if we look around all of creation suggests otherwise. It is honest to say it will be difficult getting around some of the obstacles present in our piece of the world.

Resource versus help is my mantra so, I would like to leave you with some things for you to try. It is important for you to note however, that these are not solutions. If you find yourself in a place where life looks immovable you might want to consider some choices. Counseling is a great resource, but you should know it is not the only one. There are life coaches, mentors, pastoral caregivers. What I leave you with are simply ideas for shifting your thoughts. They are activities to give you different perspective. When you utilize them correctly, they will only begin the process of change. The next best thing you can do for yourself is to seek out guidance so that the beginning steps become ingrained in you, hopefully creating lasting transformation.

This week as you think about who you are also think about who and what have played a part in who you are.

List out life circumstances or self-thoughts that you think hold you back?
Label why.
Draw out a mountain for each circumstance.
Label options for reaching the top along the side of the mountain (you should have more than one option)
Consider and list what resources you can use to obtain these steps.
Share these choices with someone who empowers you.

I have to tell you that writing out this exercise makes me a little nervous. Choices for scaling the mountain should not have negative consequences. They also must take every person into consideration. Unless you live in a bubble, your actions impact those around you. I do not recommend this exercise for major decisions such as marital or relationships. Those are serious choices that require deeper consideration. This list works best for empowering you to overcome negative thoughts and patterns.

For further information and resources visit www.monicaswank.org. Visit the home page to schedule a mentoring consultation or to contact me.

How Do You See the World?

Who and what are influences in our lives? I want to be very careful as I approach this subject. When you read the first sentence of this blog you may have already begun to think about the who’s and the what’s in your own personal life. The reason I tread lightly here is our society has changed in such a way that we often find ourselves and those around us ready to place blame. I am not pointing fingers, I am simply stating that there has been a shift in western social norms.

Our influences factor in on how we think and ultimately how we behave, but the size of their power is determined by us. They have no real power in our lives. It must be granted to them by us.

In this blog, I want to break down who our influencers are and then give a brief insight into what leverage we may nor may not have given them. I’m going to start broad then narrow it to the more personal. First, let’s consider the culture in which you live. This piece of your circle creates a norm for your marriage, the size of your family, your gender role, your education, and career choice. This list is far more exhaustive than this, but for the sake of space these are the areas I have chosen.

All around you are suggestions for you in these areas. If you are a career woman you probably gravitate towards those advertisements and conversations in which women are portrayed as powerful. Perhaps, the opposite is true. Maybe you are a career woman who wishes you played a larger role as a mother.

Here’s one I bet you didn’t think of, why are pickup trucks growing in popularity in the United States? They use far more fuel than a family sized car. They are bulkier, they are more difficult for getting in and out of, yet they are one of the fastest growing vehicles. Sooper articles says the one thing that comes to my mind instantly, they represent toughness.[1] Think about advertising for trucks. They either promote fear of the open road without a truck, or they reflect power.

The truth of it is that even if you live in mountains of western U.S. or the northern east coast, snow does not inhibit your driving enough to purchase a four-wheel drive or truck. However, the marketing departments for truck manufacturers want you to think that way. I am not trying to bash on trucks. My point is pay attention in your life to why you make the choices you do. Buying a truck that reflects power in the U.S. fits right into the culture. Becoming a career woman or going to college or building your own home all are built around cultural influence.

Let me turn to more personal influencers. How about elementary school teachers? As a child, you spend a large part of your day with these men and women. More so than in the upper grades where you have multiple teachers. If your parents are working parents and you go home under the “watchful or not so watchful eye” of an older sibling, that teacher takes on greater impact. If your teacher is kind to you, nurtures your individualism, encourages you through your challenges, you develop a sense of confidence. If that teacher’s time is limited and she spends a total of twenty minutes out of six hours talking to you, if he requires a set standard for all the students or brushes you aside when you struggle then the take-away causes you a sense of failure. These are life long inner voices for you. Almost all of you are recalling a teacher that left you with one of these two feelings.

If you apply that experience to your home, your church, your dance class, or sports team that influence is either diminished or magnified. You are human my friend. That means you are who you are because influences made you. But all of that can be shifted. Those voices only have power if you give it to them.

God said, you “are fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). God said, you are created “in our image” (Gen. 1:26). The truth goes back to who you are created to be not who the world has made you to be. The only way to understand this is to align your personal thoughts to that which is predetermined about you.

Here is a small step you can do to determine your inner voices.

List out your influences. Choose the ones who have had great impact (absentee parents have incredible power, really think through who you list)
Next to each name list out the inner voice or sense of self you gained through these relationships. For example: Dad: pull yourself up by bootstraps=self-reliance
This is the hardest part. Determine if you listen to that voice. Circle or highlight them if you allow that voice or person to influence your thinking today.
The next hardest part. Is that a healthy voice for you? Going back to our example. It’s a catch 22, self-reliance is good to an extent, but if you never allow yourself to let others do it for you then you are rejecting a key component of community which is not healthy.

This blog is meant to help you learn to recognize yourself in a more honest way. You can take it a couple of ways from here. You can use this new skill of recognizing your inner voice and begin to weed out the negative. You can also seek someone to help you process this information. That is a next step in transforming your thoughts into healthy peace-filled living. Easiest way to do that is by going to www.monicaswank.org and schedule a free consultation. You can also get on the waiting list for my workbook coming out in March by sending me a message at contact@monicaswank.com.

-blessings

[1] Johnnie Rame, “The Popularity of Pick-Up Trucks,” Sooper Articles, October 21, 2021. Accessed February 21, 2022. The Popularity of Pick-up Trucks – Trucks (sooperarticles.com)

Is There Any Guarantee?

Do nine applications have the ability to change your life? What if the number was seven or even fifteen? Is there a magic number? In my first book, I unknowingly used nine with the final reflection on the outcome. My workbook purposely has nine as well as the book I am currently working on.

Do you have any rockstar friends? These are the people who I think of who are always engaged in exercise, healthy eating, mental and/or spiritual wellness. It is ritualistic for them. Not in a bad way. They just don’t ever seem to lose focus.

Do you bulk at change? Are you weary of new trends or new year resolutions? Does a diet feel so temporary that you would rather not even engage in the first place? Is the idea of going to a counselor unsettling because it has the same feel as trends or temporary fixes?

If that is what you think, then I get it, because I do too at times. What happens when your back is up against the wall? Does the way you look at dieting change if your doctor gives you disturbing news? Does church or spiritual care look different if you’re lacking hope?

I am well aware that I have asked a large number of questions in this blog, but I have one more? Why does it seem like we wait until a pivotal moment to make healthy changes? We all have habits. Which means that you most likely understand that to change them it can take a while. This is one of the reasons why I wait. I love hard work (to an extent). I love feeling good or looking healthy. I just really don’t want to commit myself to this kind of regiment. I have seen people lose weight and get healthy only to put it back on in a year (heck, I’m one of those people). I have seen people leave behind unhealthy relationships just to reengage in another one. I often feel as if there is no guarantee in all this hard work I am being asked to do.

In transformation there is no set number of actions or days that it takes someone. That is true for any type of change. I chose nine applications because it connects to the armor of God in Ephesians 6. Those are just the beginning steps. Like exercise, the fitness plan does not lessen as you gain strength. In making soul changes, it is the same. You will see a difference, but the final shift does not occur until one day when you are not even noticing. It’s when you look in the mirror or respond to a situation and recognize that you are no longer dealing with old habits. What you see instead is a lifestyle change.

This is where I often get stuck. It is this serious tension in me. I know I justify it with the lack of guarantees but pushing against that is the fact that not making the change is harming me.

It is the tug of war between logic and truth. If I am worried over my weight and every time I think about it, I feel stress, why do I not do something? If I constantly get frustrated with myself for buying processed food, why do I keep doing it? If I feel groggy and slow because I need more water, why don’t I drink more? If I am worried about my soul, why do I sleep in on Sundays? Again, I think I might know why?

When I tell people I am a Spiritual Mentor, I think it leaves that same unclear thought lingering in their minds that the starting point of change leaves. Sometimes, I wonder if I should say, Soul Mentor? Remember the poem, Footprints in the Sand? As you read it, you realize that God has picked the person up in the middle of their pain and carried them through the heaviest of burdens, but for the rest of the time, they walk side by side. The journey describes my role, but it also determines the starting point for all of us.

Sand is most commonly found in deserts or along the edge of water. To get to that point we must step off one path unto another one. But just like this poem, that should occur in tandem with someone else. Life is not meant to be done alone. Today’s blog is about beginning. There is no practical exercise to try alone because my hope is that today you take that first step out of the grass onto the sand as you partner with someone to journey along the shore or in the desert with you. If you have found your way to this blog, ask yourself why? Was it an error or providence? Depending on the answer, you might want this information: https://calendly.com/monicaswank. All consultations are free.

-blessings

On Level Ground

You’ll hear me talk about a toolbelt from time to time. Let me first explain where that idea comes from. I draw that image from the Bible. In Ephesians 6, God tells us to put on his armor. This is much more than simply excepting faith in him and then doing life our way. In fact, once again you could trace a piece of my website back to this nugget. Not only do I talk about a toolbelt, but my tagline is, “beyond faith to life transformed.”

Why? Faith is not the hardest part of this journey we call life. Even faith in a Creator God isn’t all that challenging. What seems to be the deal breaker is following his guidelines. The understanding of what that is also is easy to grasp. Simply put we like doing things our way. But this blog topic isn’t about faith. It is about armor, and I believe that whether you have faith in God or not you can benefit from armor.

I will always tell you that without the key component of a relationship with God your self-work will teeter on the return to the negative. However, this topic is based on a tool in your belt of resources. A level is used to determine if measurements are correctly done. They are capable of defining vertical and horizontal surfaces for accuracy. As we move through life, especially as we make process in rethinking our self-thoughts, we need to constantly be aware of movement away from the place that we determined to be level.

Part of this begins at awareness. When I work with individuals to determine their ‘level’ ground we talk about being on alert for any shifts away from this place. If a builder is setting the blocks for a basement and one block is set just slightly ajar, then the whole structure that eventually goes on top will not ever be square. The same is true with us. If we allow a small shift, then we are apt to allow another one, if this process continues the potential for the base in which we have worked to make healthy will revert back in some way.

Things for which we need to be aware are those influences that drag us away from healthy self-thoughts. Let’s say you are prone to believe that you are not worthy of being loved. What could shift your foundation. Broken friendships, bad dates, an argument with someone special, being snubbed at a public event, all have the potential to influence your self-talk in damaging ways. Someone’s snide comment has the same impact.

Here’s the truth of it. These things are going to happen. We live in a world that at times is insensitive to the spirit of others. In all honesty, you’ve probably said something at some point that has knocked someone’s soul for a good spin. The key is being aware and then knowing how to get your level straight again. The problem with giving you a definitive answer is that for each of us that looks different. I have a good friend who let’s snide remarks roll right off her shoulders. For me, if that comment comes from someone I am close to, I have to weed it out so I don’t let it seep into my core thoughts.

That last paragraph is hard for me because I always say I don’t want to be a help, I want to be a resource. So, let me give it my best effort in trying to provide one. Be alert to any of the following things that can become influences if allowed into your belief system.

Are they (comments, arguments, etc.) meant to hurt you? For this you are going to have to be really honest with yourself. Not all things that are negative, especially arguments, are designed to hurt. They often are just misunderstandings. Part of determining the intent is to point-blank ask.
Do the words or events have truth to them? My husband once told me that the candy bar I was going to eat was going to go straight to my backside (not nice, but I had asked for help with changing my eating habits). Was there truth, yes. Were they meant to hurt, no. Examine them with finite detail. If you are prone to believe the bad immediately or don’t often see your own errors you’re going to have to weed through these carefully.

Healthy self-talk is not dishonest. If you are wounded by some of the above things, or your alertness button tells you that you need to key in, there is work to be done here. The best way I know to encourage you to do this is through the image God has of you. He says you are special, you are loved, and you are made in his likeness.

My friend, I always worry over you out there trying to make these changes on your own. I pray for you regularly. If you need or want help as you travel on this road called life, please, please, contact me. On the home page of my website, www.monicaswank.org is a contact link. Reach out. If you’re worried about location, the internet is an amazing thing, and we can always video chat.

Thank you, my friend for allowing me to take this journey with you. I love.

-blessings.

Be Strong and Courageous

Courage is one of those words that for some reason seemed to get lost in our vocabulary. We skirt around it with sayings. Such things as; ‘take heart, you can do this, believe in yourself,’ tend to come out in conversations when we realize that someone is struggling in a moment of indecision or hardship. There is nothing wrong with these words, but if you are the one facing difficulty wouldn’t it feel completely different if someone placed a hand on your shoulder and without hesitation said, “take courage.”

When I think of courage, I think of soldiers facing death. I think of firefighters battling a large and unstable fire. I think of someone jumping into rushing waters to save a child. Or someone who steps in at a moment that could result in someone else’s peril without intervention. It takes courage to be the person facing these events. If I am struggling with a difficult moment in my own life, I want to be courageous or at least feel as if I have the ability to do so.

God uses these words in specific situations. To Abraham as he requires him to trust in an entirely new way of life, he says, “do not be afraid” (Gen.15:1). He speaks them to Joshua as he is taking a nation of people into a new land (Josh. 1:6). King David’s officer Joab, spoke them to his men as they prepared to fight (2 Sam. 10:12). The angel of the Lord spoke them to Daniel when he is given a vision of the future of his people (Dan. 10:19). The words, “be strong and courageous,” have not just hope for what is to come, they reflect power. We need power to move through trying moments in life.

Do not discount the problems you face. You are in the space and time that you are for a reason. Perhaps you were not called to be a soldier or a public servant who faces danger, but you were called to walk through moments in your own life with courage. Your life matters as much as any other life matters. When you succumb and turn from difficulty rather than walk into it, two of many possible things happen. First, your self-confidence is shaken. Secondly, wisdom is limited.

When our confidence gets battered around, we tend to live back into self-deceptions, “I’m not good enough, someone else can do this better, I’m weak.” When we stifle life experiences that include challenges, wisdom that is gained for our future as well as another person’s is not given a chance to grow. Life instruction is squelched before it is given root.

Have you stepped away from a situation in fear or uncertainty? Are you facing something currently that seems far too large to take on by yourself? What if you have failed or you do fail? Well, simple answer is you’re just like the rest of us, you’re human, which means you’re prone to do these types of things. While that seems insensitive there is truth in it. I want that idea to hang with you for just a moment. There is value in hearing truth, allow it to soak in. You are human and you will have fears that cause you to falter.

Okay, the truth has permeated you. What to do next? If you are facing a particular challenge in this moment my answer to you is, “be strong and take courage.” You can face it and come out on the other side. If in you is a lingering memory of a challenge you faced and backed down from take comfort that you are not alone. In the thousands of years many have taken the same journey. You must make a choice though. If you have not been able to move passed it there are a few things you can do to move forward. Both of these situations, past and present, can benefit from this simple exercise.

Write the main event that is now a memory or the current challenge in the center of an 8 ½ x 11 piece of paper then draw a circle around it.
Now separate the paper into 2 sections by drawing a line vertically from the top and the bottom of the paper to the circle.
If this is a memory treat it like a current event.
- Label the top left corner, “obstacle/decision.”
- Then label the top right corner, “fears.”
The left side is easy, what are you facing – name it.
The right side takes some real honesty. Give voice to as many fears or doubts you have.
This was the straightforward part, the remainder of the exercise will take time, prayer, thought. Looking at the fears one-by-one be honest is there truth in them, pray over them if you need to, cross them out as you go if they are not relevant.

The idea of this exercise is not to help you make a decision. This is commonly used for that purpose. Instead, the goal was to give voice to fears and learn how to face them honestly. When we do that, it is easier to discuss them with others. We also have the chance to see what is really hindering us from moving forward. When I worked through this about a job, one of the fears I wrote was not enough money. I am not downplaying that this could be real. When I said look at each one realistically, I was serious. For me, that wasn’t the issue, but I was telling myself it was. Be honest.

King David was a shepherd boy facing a lunatic giant of a king. God told him to go forward although none of it made logical sense to David. The background story was that Samuel and God knew that David was going to be established on the throne. I am not asking you to consider facing something illogical, I am asking you to take courage, facing your fears head on. Who knows what the blessing might be out of this type of action.

If you did this exercise to release some memory, there is another step you need to take. There is a story of Peter and Jesus with a painful memory lingering between them, take time to read it (John 21:15-19). You see, Peter refused to stand by his friend whom he was beginning to see as the son of God. It was soon after this event that Jesus was hung on a cross. Have you ever been let down by a friend. Imagine the hurt that was lingering in this friendship as Jesus appears to Peter after his resurrection. I am guessing that this is similar to the unforgiveness you have for yourself. Accept the healing that was offered to Peter that day as your own. Forgive yourself and if needed others.

Thank you for allowing me to travel with you on this journey. Please take a few minutes to check out my website, www.monicaswank.org. You will find resources that you can benefit from all week long. – blessings

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: