Monica Swank

Words of Power

Faith, hope, love. These are words thrown around regularly in Christian circles. I can also argue that they are used as frequently in other faith traditions as well. Why? Because they are words that are meant to soothe the soul. Words that offer a future. In some way these three words are supposed to guarantee that there is a better end to what has begun in each of us as individuals.

They are not empty words. No, far from it, they are filled with sustenance. They are used to reflect something greater. There are two problems that I see straight away. The first is that we often use these words as stand-alone words. That is not their intent. Consider that when these words first found roots in Christian history, they had long been used in Jewish tradition.

Faith represented what Abraham had when he left his family and journeyed into foreign soil. Faith is also what he held as he trusted God would provide for him in his darkest moments. Faith is not just a belief in something, it is a deep-rooted trust that extends from one person to another or in the case of Abraham to God. Faith also is a lifestyle. It is not just some system of beliefs. It is how life is lived for most of us. We have faith in so many things that they are far too great to count.

It is no different for the word hope. I think however there is a strength in hope that far exceeds faith. I have watched as patients in hospitals lose hope of ever getting better. It is not uncommon for them not to in these situations. Hope is also what I have witnessed as people take terminal illnesses on and win. I am not suggesting it is a cure. Rather it is small glimmer of believing in the good that drives individuals on, sometimes one horrific step at a time.

Love aligns with the other two words. It changes the soiled sheets of a parent; it looks beyond the disfigured face or body of a loved one. Love is more powerful than any human strength. It is blind to the physical because its existence is meshed within the intricate system of the psychological.

But what if you speak these words to someone who does not know them? This is where my other problem with these words occurs. What if the recipient of these words has been hated the entirety of their lives? What if they have known nothing but mountains of dead laying in their neighborhoods, of fighter jets speeding low across the horizon. What if their life began in a crack house and they have been traded day in and day out sexually so that they could afford a loaf of bread?

What if these words are not in your vocabulary, but you are somewhere in between? Perhaps you have been tossed around from parent to parent in an ugly divorce. Maybe you have spent most of your life in unloving, harsh homes. Or maybe you haven’t been in any of these places, and you are taken aback by my words here.

You cannot be aware of all things at all times, especially untold secrets of others. Nor can you disregard who you are and who you’ve been raised to be. I do not buy into words like ‘unity, acceptance,’ and others. Why because we cannot ever fully know who each other is at the root. When we use these words to express brotherly love or concern, we must also be able to use the other words, faith, hope, and love. And if each of these words look different for our fellow humans then we are going to miss the mark by a mile.

So, where are you in these descriptors? Do you subscribe to them because you can relate to them or do they seem distant, unattainable in this lifetime? If these words help to define your lifestyle, then do me a favor. Head over to my resource page at www.monicaswank.org, click on the ‘growth’ tab and listen intently to what is shared. If you have not ever or are not currently experiencing these words in your life there are multiple resources at the website for you, but I have one other thing I want to leave for you here today.

If faith is a trust in something/someone else, begin by
- Listing what your ‘thing’ is.
- Now, take it a step further, list all of the good qualities of that thing and all of the bad.
- When you mimic the good or bad what is the result? Are there negative consequences or positive results?
If hope is a glimmer of good for the future, begin by
- Listing what your hope is in or if you don’t have hope why not (what does it look like – give it a description)?
- When you allow yourself to hope, do things go differently, better or worse?
- If you listed hope in a person or thing, if that usually does not work out, what else might you put your hope in? List some options.
If love is not based on a good or bad, but on an emotion begin by
- List what things receive your love. One to ten (or beyond) list them with one being that which receives the greatest amount of your love.
- Next to each item list yes if you receive love back, no if not. Then list do you expect or wish to receive love back next to each item.
- Here are qualities of love: patience, kind, not jealous, not rude or arrogant, not selfish, not irritable or resentful, doesn’t enjoy others suffering, is honest. Circle those items on your list that fit these descriptions.

Recognizing where these things fit into our lives is only a step. Our answers do not mean we are living a good life or a bad one. Nor do they mean we are bad or good individuals if we lack anything in these areas. It is simply an assessment, just like when you make a list of what grocery items to get at the store. No, I am not making light. This is simply an exercise. The next step is up to you. If you see some areas that you think you might want to improve on you have resources. Visit my home page on my website, go to the bottom and click on the contact tab. Send me a short message and I will respond in a day or two. You are not alone – there is a world of individuals out there waiting to love on you.

As always thanks for letting me take this journey with you – blessings my friend.

Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: Is Age Your Greatest Obstacle? https://anchor.fm/monica667/episodes/Is-Age-Your-Greatest-Obstacle-e1d8sv3

Proof in the Argument

I lay in bed this morning thinking about what I wanted to share with you that would impact your day for the good. Which transitioned into, ‘why the good’? Which led to, ‘I don’t want them to just have good, I want them to have change.’ Which still left me stumped. Until I realized that sometimes for us to want a difference in our lives, we must see a difference in others and desire it. I don’t mean like a jealous desire. This isn’t the kind of change that we wish we because we see greener grass, better job, better family, etc.

Not all of those things offer something better. At least not in terms of living. What we should desire, that others might reflect in their lives, is peace filled living. There is no selfish drive in that concept. There is no connection to lifestyle at least not in a material way.

For me transformation of my thoughts, my behaviors and responses came twofold. One was spiritual, which I will always declare has the ability to impact permanent change. The other was getting to the place where I could confront the real me, admit I had some serious faults as a human being and address them with honesty. The spiritual change was easy. I didn’t have much work to do, I simply had to believe and allow change to take place. The other was and is much more challenging.

I have spent the last fifteen years hearing my self-talk. All of us do this kind of internal or external talk. Not all of us are aware of what we are saying. Example: you and your significant other have an argument. You head one way they head the other. As you sit alone with yourself you start to believe that you deserve better in a relationship. All of your other friends are happily married, why not you. These thoughts are self-talk. Commonly, they are founded on untruths.

What happens most times is we learn to justify certain events in our lives with thoughts that have been learned along our life journey. These thoughts have been ingrained in us because they are fed to us continually by outside forces. At some point, they become our inner thoughts. We are either aware or unaware of their presence.

I didn’t finish the example because I want you to try an exercise. Put yourself into that story (I’m assuming somewhere along the way you’ve had a similar moment). What trail would your thoughts go down from the spot I left off? Write the specific thought or emotion down. Work through to the end, is the situation resolved or escalated? Do you determine a next step? Now go back and work through the thoughts or emotions you had (you might have to walk away for a minute). The goal is to discover if your thoughts are rational or fed by personal fears and insecurities.

If this was a real-life example, I would encourage you to talk with someone on the outside of the relationship. Someone who would be unbiased and brutally honest with you. Obviously, this is just a first step in recognizing self-talk. There is much that goes into changing unhealthy thought patterns. That is why I said that having faith was much easier than actually examining myself constantly for the last fifteen years.

As I faced this similar challenge in my life what I learned is that mine and my husband’s arguments left me feeling disrespected, unheard, unvalued. Which led to feeling unloved. What really was happening was we are both so head strong and felt we were right in our stance that we could not ever hear each other correctly. It went something like this: He says – “You always think you’re right, it always has to be your way,” I say – “You’re acting like a child, just stop for a second and hear what I’m really saying,” He says – “yep, let’s do it your way.” This is back and forth for however long we have the strength. Did you discover what we were arguing over? Of course not because the discussion turned to an argument and the topic was lost in emotion and individual insecurities.

When you learn to recognize the way you talk to yourself, when you learn to alter it towards healthier thoughts, these arguments have less impact. Why? Because you notice right from the beginning your insecure self-talk coming out and have the ability to change it. The argument then often swings back to the topic, or sometimes it has no realistic value and you’re at peace walking away without winning.

I realize that I used a relationship here to discuss transformation of thoughts and that means two people have bearing on the outcome. I want to leave you pondering this thought, if you learn to argue more fairly, do you think it would impact how your partner does? Wait, maybe this is a better question, if your partner learns to argue more fairly, do you think it will change your response?

-blessings

Facing the Spiritual World with Confidence

Life ebbs and flows through the good and the bad. At least if you live in my life. This blog regularly addresses topics in which we as humans can approach these moments with confidence. We can use tools to face struggles and overcome them while maintaining an inner peace. What happens when the things that hit us have their roots in the spiritual realm?

Considering such concepts can seem far fetched even if we have faith. Many religions include mystical aspects. For Christianity, it is central to what we believe. From the first story in the Bible, a spirit has existed. The Holy Spirit is present at the formation of the world. Another form of spirit was present as well, evil. Throughout the rest of Scripture we are introduced to angels and demons. In these stories it is very clear that human troubles at times come by way of evil spiritual interaction in our lives.

How do we conquer hardships when the players involved aren’t all on equal ground? Or how do we determine if it is spiritual attacks rather than life just hitting hard? These questions are answered with the same response that answers any hardship addressed. God did not leave us to fumble around until we came upon an adequate response. I have found one of the most powerful means for facing challenges, spiritual or physical, defined in Ephesians chapter 6.

In this chapter, God gives us clear examples and descriptions for how to conquer earthly trouble. It is not different because one is a living being capable of intensifying the problems or influencing our self-thoughts. Early in the Jewish tradition, God matches power against that of the most powerful earthly leader at the time. The Egyptian Pharaoh in the Late Bronze Age controlled large regions with the use of military power. He did not depend solely on the might of his armies but was himself a formidable advisory. When the struggle began God declared his own power and might. The same is still true as in the beginning centuries when the author writes Ephesians. God’s might cannot be overpowered by any part of creation. Evil exists as the result of a fallen creation.

The section of passages beginning in Ephesians 6:10, clearly states these tools are designed as a means of protection against evil. While I can argue for any of these provisions, during a life crisis brought on by demonic forces, I think there are a few that are more aptly suited. The shield of faith in vs. 16 is said to deflect evil. This idea all revolves around our relationship with Jesus. But it is in the intricacy of the relationship that we maintain in which the power comes. It is from the knowing Jesus so well that we know his character, we know his motives, we know his words. These give us power. I also believe that prayer is one of the mightiest defenses we have to use.

Prayer as it is intended is not passive. It does not just get said, it is felt in the depths of our souls. It is an action of dependence in which we extend ourselves towards God. It is the belief that God will now act on our behalf. Hear me clearly. I am not speaking about your desires. I am speaking about combatting strife in our lives. I am speaking about protection from evil.

In addition to what I spoke of in this reference, I need it to be heard that I did not speak about fulfillment of human wishes. Prayer is God’s intervention in our lives against whatever forces are causing it to go haywire. If that force is your own doing, God will reckon that as well. If your wishes contradict or do not bring honor to God or the plan designed for creation then you may find help through the difficulties, but not a specific wish.

As we face the world on a regular basis we cannot always know what is and is not spiritual warfare taking place in our lives. What we can be assured of is that it does exist. Evil is there to take pleasure in your pain, it rejoices in your defeats. We can also be assured that the God we choose to side with will stand, just like he did in the past, between our advisory and us. He will wield a power that cannot be beaten.

So, take your needs in prayer to him. Be in the Bible. But don’t stop there. Do it again and again and again. Do it until the trouble has passed. Prayer is an amazing tool. Internally it gives us hope, purpose, and direction. Externally it reflects our dependence on a God who desires to care for us and who responds to our pleas for help.

– blessings

Fear’s Little Spark

Fear is a strange thing. It is like fire in a way. Think about the last time you started any kind of fire. From a candle to a blazing bonfire, they all start the same. A tiny spark must occur before there is anything else. Regardless of how you do it there has to be an initial flame or as my firefighter of a husband would say, “a place of origin.”

Fear gets its start much the same way. A fire, a seed, a doubt, the options of comparison are limitless. The point is it there is typically a little nudge. Have you ever watched a scary movie, the nudge is a scan to the woods or the music, oh the music! I don’t watch them, but my kids always say that’s when you know something is about to happen. Or my favorite is what my youngest daughter says, “are they really that stupid? Dark hallway, scary cellar, stand of trees and they still go in, like what did they expect to happen?”

We don’t want to see those things and so we don’t until it’s too late. Fear works the same way. It is not that we can’t or don’t want to see it, it’s more like the flame. We know it’s a tiny spark, but we do not expect it to get so big. When we finally realize it, our brains have shifted gears on us into flight or fight mode. I can think of two perfect examples from the bible. They are two different reactions but the same person reacting, oddly enough to the same fear.

The disciples of Jesus were often confused about the future of his ministry. I really do not blame them. How difficult it must have been to believe in this man? In the final moments of Christ’s life, Peter responds out of an unknown fear. The first example is in the garden when the soldiers come for Jesus. Peter is quick to defend his master, his friend, by lopping off the ear of a guard (Luke 22.49-51). The second example comes in the courtyard where Jesus has been taken when Peter denies any knowledge or connection to Christ, to save himself (Matt. 26.69-75). The tiny spark that lit this irrational fear was doubt.

These followers of Christ had heard stories their entire lives of the coming Messiah. They had heard how he would be of the bloodline of King David. He was equated to a king of great power and military might. They were told that his throne was to be established and that the nations of the world would bow to him. While Jesus mirrored images of a king who was known to his kingdom, who was not secluded away as some idol to be brought only when praise was due, he had as of yet to display his bravado. How easy it must have been for Peter to doubt that the end of his master would come as it was playing out.

What thing do you have that is a tiny spark? When the wind blows a little bit does that spark flare up just a tad? What happens if that flame is fed oxygen and wood, does it grow uncontrollable? Like Peter we build images of what life should be, or we draw boundaries around what shouldn’t be and never fully address our questions, concerns, fears.

I am terrified that my children will not know how deeply they are loved. I am more terrified that my husband does not truly love me. These are tiny irrational fears. I promise they are unwarranted, my husband tells me, “I’m here aren’t I. If I didn’t want to be, I wouldn’t.” I am chuckling in my office right now because if you knew my husband you would be too – he’s not a good liar and he doesn’t beat around any bushes to make his point. Let me go back, these are fears. Rational, irrational does not matter they are fears that sit in the back of our mind. They are there for different reasons which I won’t go into right now. The point is they exist. You have some too. It’s not that we have them it’s what we allow to happen to them that matters.

Within the first chapter of scripture, we are told that creation is good. When we feed fears ultimately the view we have of creation, is skewed. It becomes bigger than us and we are left with two options of response, fight or flight. Neither of these are great choices for every day living. These are tools for survival. If you are always operating out of one of these two places your system is on high alert which means at some point it will become irrational or explode.

So, how do you put the flame out versus fan it? Here are a few simple suggestions.

Face the nagging fear head on. What is it that is bothering you? Give voice to it either to yourself, in prayer, or to someone who knows you well.
Weigh it against what is true, does it have merit, or does it need extinguished? If it can be removed try rethinking about it when it surfaces, don’t give it merit, tell yourself it is a lie.
Does it have impact on your daily living? Speak to someone about changing it’s hold on you.

Jesus helped Peter to work out his fear. He did not just address the situation after the fact and let it drop. Neither did he wave a magic wand and make it disappear. He actually helped Peter to see the truth of his fear and alter his thinking. It can be done, and freedom occur!

If you need someone to journey with you, please locate the contact button on the bottom of the home page and reach out to me. I am so grateful for you, thank you for letting me come along with you.

-blessings

The Trust of Abraham

Trust is a hard word. It is not about what actions we must take as much as it is about what we must let go of in order for us to truly live into trust. I don’t always start my blogs with a story, but I really want to do that today. You may find that it challenges the stories of your faith, but you also might see something in the story that you have not noticed before. So come along, listen as I tell it

Years ago, long before you or I experienced life, a man was faced with death. He had spent his long life, almost a century of living, hearing tales about a man who had murdered his brother. The lessons that his father, grandfather, and the elders of his people taught him through that story was the value of all human life as well as the consequences of taking another’s away. Over his years of experience, he had seen the destruction upon people when murder took place. It shook his small tribe of people with devastation. Many never were emotionally the same again. Families were torn apart as retribution was sought by the wronged.

Yet here he sat tonight by the warmth of the village fire pondering his own personal dilemma. He felt no warmth from the flames as they danced within the stone ring. He was alone in his thoughts and gratefully alone from the presence of others. Tears flowed unabashedly down his cheeks making him that more appreciative that no other sat with him. It did not serve a leader well to have his servants see such an expression of emotion. The words rang not in his ears, but in his heart as they played over and over. “Abraham. Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.

Had he misunderstood? Did the God that he worshiped, that he required his own family and servants to worship truly want him to take another human’s life breath? And would he ask this excruciating task of the one thing dearest to him? Had he chosen wrong? Had the Mesopotamians been right? No, how could that be. His God had been faithful. He had come to him physically. He had shown him so many truths. No, he was not wrong, the great “I am” was the only God. (Gen. 22.2)

I love retelling stories. I jump into the pages of Scripture and make the scenes come alive in my mind. Most of the time, I’m probably not close, but it helps me to connect with the stories. Abraham is so far removed from us in time that it is hard to understand his story as personal. But he was a real human. He experienced honest and raw emotion that in times such as these broke his heart. He was a man’s-man. A herdsman, in charge of the daily lives of many people, he was rugged and calloused by life. Like you and I, Abraham was real.

The Bible uses Abraham’s story about his intended sacrifice of Isaac as an example of faith. I think it runs a little deeper. I’m not suggesting that the Bible is wrong, just that the story encompasses more than one aspect of our lives. Certainly, this biblical hero had to have an incredible amount of faith to follow through with such a horrid task. Don’t you think that running parallel to faith he had to trust?

Going back to the beginning of this blog, I mentioned that trust requires more of us than most of us acknowledge. We have to be truly vulnerable. I don’t know about you, but that is not my strong point. I don’t like cold temperatures, I don’t like being called out in front of others, I don’t like being the center of attention. All of these things require something of me. They make me feel as if I lack some inner strength or capacity.

Yet, trust is one of the best decisions an individual can make when they are seeking to make positive changes in their lives. When I went through my divorce, I suddenly found myself jobless and homeless. It wasn’t just me though. I had five kids who had just experienced the most painful thing in their lives, and I was the only one holding the answers. Except I didn’t have any answers. At least not any that would solve my current problem. Like Abraham, I felt like I was drowning in sorrow.

Faith or trust make us the most vulnerable. We must allow ourselves to be cared for by others. We must give up control of our niche of the world so that the difficult or negative can be shifted. Did you know that most of the Western world is shaped, at its core, in thought and lifestyle by Hellenistic patterns? Our mindsets come out of ancient Greek and Roman cultures that filtrate into our religion, our government, our traditions. I don’t know about you, but Romans, in their prime, were pretty hardcore individuals. They were not typically seen as vulnerable, but rather as leaders and gods. If this is ingrained in our make-up, then it’s going to be hard to put our lives into someone else’s even temporarily.

Here are a few ways that you might make it easier.

Choose someone who is willing to see the whole you to help you make the journey. A counselor, spiritual guide, pastor, mentor, etc. should never disregard those things that hold value for you.
Make the decisions with them, don’t let them decide without your consent.
Keep your focus on the finish line – even if you’re not sure what it looks like yet.

The other side of Abraham’s story that I did not share is that never once did God say to him, ‘you have to do this on your own.’ In fact, he said, ‘when you get there, I’ll be with you to show you.’ God never abandoned Abraham and he knew him so well that he was sensitive to how much he could handle. God did not say to Abraham ‘you will do this or else.’ Instead, God waited for Abraham to consent. Finally, Abraham saw the entire picture even though he could not see an option outside of Isaac dying. He knew God, he trusted God, and he believed that the God who had never let him down before would be there at the end of his physical and emotional journey.

You are not alone! On the front page of my website, is a link to email me. It’s there because I want to hear about your journey. It’s there because some of you might need me to travel with you.

-blessings

Are All Dreams Lost?

What dreams do you dream? When I do marriage counseling, I talk about both dreams and expectations. Most of us like to think that we are logical enough to rationalize life when these things don’t occur in our marriages or in our lives in general. I would argue this way of thinking. It’s not that we cannot do them, but the honest truth is that we just do not utilize these types of skills without seeing them modeled regularly or learning them. They’re just not natural responses.

You probably will not like the reason that I believe this to be true. My reasoning is that we are typically selfish by nature. We are taught by many, many influences that we deserve to receive certain things in relationships.

Also, when I counsel engaged couples, I talk about the fact that your spouse is not given the responsibility of meeting your needs. Sometimes, I hear these words given as vows at the altar and I wonder what happens to this couple when they are not able to uphold these words. You see we are all individuals and so when we come into relationships, regardless of who it is with, we bring our own visions or dreams with us. Another aspect of this comes when we make major shifts in our lives. Let’s say retirement, or job change, it could be any life change that alters time and space for us as individuals. We bring ideals with us that most likely are not matched.

When we realize that this is not happening for us, we have a tendency to become disillusioned. A wide range of responses occurs for us. It is not uncommon for us to place blame on someone or something else. It makes it easier to accept the truth that our hopes are not fulfilled. Sometimes we look for other jobs, homes, friends, and unfortunately spouses. These are norms in our world and so for us to respond in this way is not unusual.

So, are we just supposed to dispose of our dreams or hopes? Are these things not obtainable or should they be traded? Is there an answer that does not have such deep repercussions? There is always another option. But let’s go back for a minute to the marriage relationship and what each of us brings into it. When you are feeling as if all hope is gone reexamine this space (in any relationship). Let’s say though you are feeling let down by a spouse. Here are a few simple steps you can take to help you see the picture differently.

On whom are the completion of the dreams placed? (yours or theirs?)
Have the dreams been clearly expressed to the other person or is it just assumed they know?
What role does the other person play in the dreams or hopes?
Does the other person feel the same way as you?
Is your dream or vision for the relationship or you personally?

When we recognize that our dreams have been unattended it can cause a sense of being let down. In addition, to asking yourself these questions listed above you can ask if there is still real value in your hopes. It is very possible that while the loss feels real, the dream is no longer important and might even be better shifted into another dream that both you and the other person can share together.

From one dreamer to another – I hope you never stop dreaming, but I also hope that you are open, honest, and willing to accept it when a dream is shifted or needs discarded. Think about what you might be missing by focusing on something that may need shifted. As always, thank you for letting me journey with you.

-blessings

The Truth Be Told

Recently, we went and got our Christmas tree. Because we don’t get much time together as a family, we decided to run into the nearest town and grab lunch. Where I live it’s cold these days, well it depends on the day you wake up in here in Ohio, but that day it was a whopping high of 36 degrees. Afterwards when we went back out to the Jeep, my son and I headed to the passenger side. My husband got in behind the wheel and my teenage daughter was outside the vehicle behind him. I watched as my husband tried to unlock the doors for us to get in, not once or twice, but multiple times. I was getting frustrated as my son and I stood there shivering. My husband had a dumbfounded look on his face as he continued to struggle with the locks. I just assumed my daughter was feeling the same as my son and I until I heard this burst of laughter from the other side of the Jeep. You see she was standing outside of the vehicle with us, but she wasn’t locked out. She had the spare key in her pocket and each time my husband hit the unlock she hit the lock. I was cold and irritated, but it was too funny not to laugh – and laugh we did as a family for more than a few minutes.

This morning as I sit here and write this story it is in vivid color for me. I can’t help to think about the way we see truth. My son and I had a clear view of the inside of the warm Jeep, we could see my husband, and we knew my daughter was waiting on the other side. What we couldn’t see was the key in her pocket. Life is like this situation. We see the images of the physical world clearly, usually. What we lack is the ability to see the hidden pieces.

Several millennia ago, the people of Abraham had a similar situation. They thought they could see the physical world clearly. What many of them missed is what Jonah readily saw. In the story of the prophet Jonah there is a section that is a conversation between him and God. Jonah is frustrated with God because he knows that if the people of Nineveh turn their lives around and start living for God, he will save them. As readers of the story, it seems a little incongruent that he feels this way. I don’t want to focus on the reasons why, but rather on the fact that Jonah knew the truth of who God was and the way that he viewed humans. Jonah knew exactly what the response would be before the event took place.

Let me go back to the beginning of humankind. There are two creation stories told. They ultimately are the same story, but with different details. You’ve heard this a few times over if you’ve been to church, but creation was made with loving care. Humans not only experienced this type of care, but they were given honor. Have you ever spoken to a young child in a manner which you get down on one knee to speak into their face? When you do this, they know that you are fully in tune with them. They sense your complete devotion. This is what God did with us. He stooped down looked us in the face, soaking up our story, and finding joy in not only our reaction to his presence, but in our desire to share with him.

Then an event took place that shifted the world. Humans decided to act on their own. When we did this God took precaution so that all would not be lost. His discipline was harsh not because it was cruel, but because the relationship between humans and God was shifted. The intimacy was replaced by divisiveness.

Why am I telling you this story? I want you to see two things. First that God’s character is twofold. He is filled with joy by us, and he takes action when we make decisions that ultimately do harm. His character does not change. Every story in the Bible reflects the same God: loving, just. The problem is that we see things in a skewed view many times.

When we look at our life situations whether good or bad, we tend to bend the view of God. Healing never takes place under these conditions. The wholeness of who we are as humans includes a spiritual element. If we want to get “well” we must acknowledge that there are two sides to the One who heals us for good. That means that there are moments in healing that will leave us outside of the car shivering. Why? We cannot see all things. God cleanses from the heart side out. True healing means we uncover all that is hidden. Some of those things revolve around behaviors that we have chosen at some point, past or present. Some we had no control over, but rather than work through them we buried them.

The second thing I want you to see is the step forward. Adam said, “the woman made me do it,” the woman pointed her finger at the serpent. God said, “let me show you the unhindered view,” which led to removal from paradise. While it might seem that this blog is about truth it is more than that idea. It has to do with alignment. We have every example under the sun in the Bible. Even better we have the response of God to every example in the Bible. As we move through the healing process, not only do we have to take note of our reactions, thoughts, and emotions, but we have to align them with the character of God.

How we do that deals with an action that I wrote about in an earlier blog, recognizing first how we respond. Yet, it is more than the how. We need to know what our thoughts are behind the actions. Once we begin to see the truth in our actions, we can align them to God’s truths. We can’t point fingers. Even if there are or were outside forces from which our actions and beliefs originated. We must see above all, our place in creation. We are not wasted time. If we were the God who created us would have gotten frustrated long before today. God simply would have started all over. That’s not the case.

God is patient. Where do we need to have patience? Is it with others or ourselves? How do we learn patience? Did you really think it’s something you just have? No, it takes a process to gain patience with a world that is at times incredibly frustrating (read the prophets and see it from the perspective of the most patient being).

God is love. Where do we need to love? Is it with others or ourselves? How do we obtain love if we don’t already have it? Open up the book of 2 Corinthians and read chapter 11.16-33 then follow it up with chapter 13.1-7. Love is not without effort. It takes time to master and has multiple stages.

God is just. Where do we need to see justice served? Is it with others or ourselves? I am not talking about punishment. I am talking about justice. Draw up the image of Lady Justice. She is holding a scale. Every behavior we exhibit has an equal balance in response.

Not every situation in life is as clear as an untinted window, but many of them are like the hidden key in the pocket. Even when we are standing outside in the cold shivering, we are the owners of how we will live life. Learning to recognize ourselves better, aligning our thoughts and actions to God’s, and then retraining our responses is all a part of the healing process. Give yourself grace as you move through the steps.

Thank you for letting my journey with you – blessings.

A New You, Is It Really What is Needed?

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Each year we make resolutions. It’s the same thing. Not for us, but for those who advertise they have the best idea for a fresh start to living healthy. There is no limit to who promotes their business with this theme in the month of December. Even some pastors pull this out in their final sermon series or their new ones for the first of the year. The crazy thing is we get drawn in. Often easier than we would like we find ourselves buying new memberships, diet or healthy living plans, or some self-help program. Do you ever wonder why?

I have a few thoughts for you. The first is that we have this subconscious belief that we need to be changed. A nagging that maybe if we shift some small physical or mental thing about ourselves, we will live better. The second, we are not really at peace with who we are because we don’t have a truly clear picture of who the real self is. Lastly, that we have, once again, a subconscious belief that this might be the one thing to help us find happiness.

Will you stay with me just long enough to hear what I have to say in response? I tend to think we have innate responses to competition because of several reasons one of which is very prideful, the other has to deal with a natural desire to be in alignment with the character of God. Something in us believes we can get closer to God’s character simply by acting or thinking differently. Oddly enough this does not really reflect any Biblical theme or ideal. So, we think that if we get healthier physically, we are honoring the body that God gifted us with or even more theological, we perhaps are showing respect to the Holy Spirit that makes our body his home.

This is a pretty simplistic view, and I do believe that there are some of us who need these changes, but I am talking about something deeper. I am talking about justifying behaviors. If I do this, then this will be better. The Bible never claimed that if we worked out, we would be the best humans ever or that our lives would be trouble free. Rather Paul said that if we train by consistently living as Christ that we will finish the race (Heb. 12.1). Each of us run a different race in an attempt to finish.

Touching on the second idea, most of us lack a true understanding of who we are at the core. We tend to know what we love, what our passions are, but we do not always have a clear vision of who we are as individuals. Neither do we understand that role as it fits into that which God designed in us. Due to a lack in guiding help, the majority of us have never had the chance to take off all of our layers and wade through the deep recesses of our beings to find our soul. Our identities are wrapped up in who or what others have either taught us to be or want us to be.

Again, this is just scratching the surface of this idea. Having had the opportunity to explore my life’s journey from a reflection back to the day of my birth is probably one of the most incredible experiences I have ever been privy to take. When you walk this journey, with guidance, in a safe environment where you can discuss it and process through the difficult times, it takes on a whole other meaning than working through “stuff” with a counselor. Please, be clear that I am not in any way diminishing the work of a psychologist or licensed counselor (in fact, I happen to have a few great ones in the family). Instead, what I am talking about is soul work, not head or heart. At the core of our beings is how we process all of life. It’s like a data center in which all outside influences come in, we sort through discarding some, storing others, and finally we push out that which has no bearing on us as individuals.

The final thought revolves around happiness. In the world where I live, happiness has been revealed in recent years as an abstract goal that doesn’t really have any clear definition. With that it has also lost some merit in the focus of individuals. It has in a sense been identified as a phony. That said, we still lean into all that surrounds it. For example, we still think that joy and peace are in some way linked to this term, happiness. We have been told it so often by so many different sources that to think in any way counter to it seems unhealthy. Yet, happiness is a feeling it is not a lifestyle. Like frustration or inner warmth, it comes and goes.

In recent years, churches have begun to talk about peace as deeply rooted in our faith, only attainable through relationship with Christ. I would agree on that as a whole. I would disagree that it is easy to gain in our lives. It is when we understand how to weather the inconsistencies and constant beatings that we finally get a glimpse of peace.

These abstract ideas that are shoved down our throats on a regular basis serve not only as a false hope, but as one more knock on our egos. I teach biblical studies at a university. My first class is about Creation. One of the most important topics we discuss as a group is the logic and order that surrounds the formation of the inhabitants of the earth. I believe the same thing about how we gain inner peace. In fact, if you consider how you work towards physical health it has a natural order to it if it is done correctly. Inner peace is not found in a study. It is not found in a better prayer life. It is not done … you get the idea. Yet, pieces of it can be found in all of these things.

Ultimately, God leads us to this place through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, it is the work on our end that we do through honesty, confession, standing firm in faith, determination to live aligned with God, interpretation of Scripture, and prayer that lead us to healthy living. Even in these though there is a process. The way in which we work through these and adapt our lives to them determines the lasting outcome of them in us as individuals.

-blessings

Living Our Stories

I listened to a sermon Sunday in which the pastor told me not to get too far from my story. Today, I read a paper from a student that talked about the work she believes that she is called to do. Every day I watch my husband put on his uniform and go to work, not for his paycheck, but to live out his story. For the last three months, I have been telling students about the rich history of the world in which we all get our story. That’s what I want to talk about today, our stories.

They are as individual as we are. They are filled with the stuff that makes us who we are at the core. When our stories intertwine with that of God’s there is a different depth that even we cannot grasp. While I will talk about the value of the story here – I still lack a full knowledge of its meaning.

Let me begin with my story. Since I like to build stories from images, picture this with me. Every event, every person, every moment in my life has either placed gifts or stones at my feet. I say this for your sake not mine because I believe that my stones are also gifts. The consistent placement of either of these in my life built two things: a wall and a heart of compassion. As I have aged several other events have also taken place. The wall at one point fully encompassed the heart. I lived in darkness, selfishness, and depression. Once I realized this and began to take the wall down slowly – I mean very slowly – like stone by stone, the heart of compassion not only was released, but it experienced an expansion like no other I’ve known prior or since in my life.

My darkness began very early as a child. I allowed hurt and anger a small opening as a young child. It was alright because what harm could it really do? Let me tell you it was not a small thing!! That anger grew into justification. Justification for my right to be who I wanted and do what I wanted. And boy did I! Inside of all those feelings was a sense that I was entitled to feel hurt. But I have to admit that I really hated the pain of hurting. If I was allowed to hurt, I also was allowed to numb it however I wanted. So began the first hit of a cigarette, which turned into a first hit of a joint, and then a first line of Cocaine, and shame. This is where it gets good. Shame is a weird thing. It doesn’t care about the person, it has one goal and that is to bury that person in so much guilt that there is no climbing out.

Shame was heavy, oppressive. So, I pushed it down. Promiscuity and recklessness became a new norm. And shame would go away when I hid it with the numbness of drugs. Until it came back. This time when shame came back it no longer oppressed, it stood up tall in my face and laughed in mockery. I couldn’t run. There was no place that I could leave my shame and so I did the unthinkable, I decided dying was the only escape.

Have you ever watched a Sci-Fi movie where there are two worlds living in existence together without the other worlds knowledge? At some point in the movie the characters of those worlds somehow learn of each other. Sorta like time travel. That is my story! Every time I put that line of coke into my nostril and shame wrapped its tentacles around my heart the other world felt something else. In perfect rhythm, time and time again, on constant repeat in the other world a man’s knees hit the ground under the new weight (I heaped on) as he dragged the trunk of a tree up a hill. And every time I devalued my body, giving it away carelessly that same man felt his skin rip apart as a stake was driven into it.

Why? For what reason would this occur? Because there are two sides to our world, the evil and the truth. Wrapped up into evil is all that brings us down, devalues us, rips open our hearts, shreds our humanity. On the other side is the place where all that attacks us is absorbed allowing restoration or hope to fill our hearts, our souls, our spirits.

But we have to reach across that chasm and find it. Why, because you have a story inside of you. Not a story of pain. Yes, you might have a wall of pain, but it is not your story. Your story is waiting for you to reach across the abyss. When you do you come alive, your story becomes passion, your focus is turned outward and the world in which darkness tries to overcome you is changed.

Maybe you save a life in a fire, maybe you pray with a nervous patient, maybe you give a blanket to the homeless. Whatever it is, shame begins to shrink, guilt is beat back and something else begins to take its place.

Let me step out of my metaphoric language for a minute. I want you to know that if you are living into these places of darkness, I am not making light of it. It is real! It is suffocating! And it is incredibly dangerous! When my daughter plays basketball and is struggling to make shots, I have told her for something like six years now, you only need 2 points. Do you know why? Two points gives you hope to make the next basket. Soon you are shooting threes. If you keep your focus and the hope, then there is real potential for the outcome of the game to turn in your favor. How do I know this? I’ve seen it played out in sports and I’ve lived it played out in my own life. I do not have superpowers so when I say you can do this one stone at a time, I have walked it with you. So, has Jesus.

I have a few favorite words that I sing when I can’t hear the voice of hope, let me share them with you. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full into his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.” (Helen Lemmel)

There is one other thing that has helped me immensely and that is to know someone in the world cares. Hold these next words dear to you wherever you may travel. They are my heart of compassion that Jesus helped me to uncover. They are my story. It is my hope that you will find encouragement and strength in them. Thank you for allowing me to travel with you! I love you, my friend.

“I pray love into your life. I pray strength. I pray hope. I pray Jesus. You are made for a story. Your story is valuable. Your story is needed. You are precious to God. You are precious to me. May your feet be quick to find Jesus. You are loved!”

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