Christianity and Divorce

I became a Christian after I was married, but my spouse doesn’t believe in God. We are always at odds because of my faith, what does the Bible say about divorce? I hear this question or some form of it on a regular basis. I think the question should be do you want my real answer?

Being a Christian if we live it out loud isn’t always easy. Marriage is no exception. I think though the real problem is not the disharmony in the relationships that often trouble us but the fact we don’t often live well uncomfortably. I’m going to be incredibly real with you in this blog so don’t give up reading now. I can say these things for a few reasons. First, I am divorced. Second, I know what scripture says about this topic.

My daughter recently told me something her pastor said, and I loved it so much I want to share it with you here. It was the idea that no family in the recordings of the Old Testament were without some major flaw. I have not researched the truth behind this but let me just say that all of the founding fathers had issues in their homes. Moses did. The prophets were not excluded. Not one of Israel’s Kings made it through unscathed. I am saying this because I need you to see something else.

Families are just prone to be a hot mess. So, what makes you and me think ours will be any different? I will admit there is a strange phenomenon that happens when one partner becomes a believer of Christ. An unavoidable separation occurs. Jesus talks about the fact that when we follow him our eyes see things differently and our ears hear a new sound or story (Matt. 11:4-15). These are not simply changes, these are an unveiling of truth. That does not give us ammunition against anyone who has not had the same experience.

Think on Jesus’ example. He was ever patient as he met with people. In fact, the instances when he becomes the most argumentative is when he is dealing with the religious leaders who were supposed to be capable of understanding but weren’t. In every one of Jesus’ personal or intimate relationships his goal was to teach them what they did not know. He just was a living example.

When we talk about how we are supposed to live life when one person is on a completely different plane it is by using the model developed for us by the master builder. He never nagged, through images and stories he allowed his followers to see things on their own, he didn’t seek people out but instead waited for them to come to him. He didn’t abandon his closest friends; Peter, Andrew, Matthew, Judas Iscariot, James, John, Bartholomew, James (the lesser), Jude (Thaddeus), Philip, Simon the Zealot, and Thomas just because they couldn’t figure out who he was or see things his way. He also never saw himself as better than them. The one memory that should always play out in our minds is his desire and act of serving them on his last night of freedom.

I know that we are not Jesus, and these are not easy tasks to accomplish for many of us but let me leave you with one other thought. When you married your spouse, it was probably a moment of joy. At the time you said your wedding vows, you were most likely looking into the face of someone who meant more to you than any other person on earth. You probably felt a physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of them. You were driven by love, the only emotion and action that is required for us by God. A relationship with God should not diminish these experiences but deepen them. Now that you know what you do you should embrace that original love for your spouse, yes even in the arguments and difficulties that highlight your differences and love them even more.

Be encouraged to hang in there and remember to use your tools. Prayer and conversation with the Lord are still the best go to’s in times of trouble. Honesty and focus on God’s promises can give you strength. The community of faith can hold you up and provide wise counsel.

– blessings