What are you struggling with today that is sapping your self-confidence? I equate this to the conversation that you have in the mirror. It’s the only place that others can’t really get into. It’s where you let your thoughts flood you – good and bad. While no one has access to this space, we often give open invitations. Voices of those who have influenced us flood into this space not always as their own but transformed into our own internal voices.
If they’re negative voices, they play on us all day long. Small things can become big. Mistakes can translate to self-shame. If they’re encouraging, positive voices they build us up to face the challenges of the day.
Have you ever weeded a garden? It is a constant effort. Our negative internal voices are the same way. And if like weeds we head them off early, then the fruit bursts forth. If, however, the weeds are allowed to take root and grow wild before we tend to them, they can often choke out the good.
You are stronger than you realize. What do you think when you see a woman wearing dark red lipstick? She’s bold. She’s strong. Something in her exudes confidence. When I sold make-up and women were drawn to that color, I would tell them you have to put it on, look into the mirror and say to yourself “I look great,” then walk away and not look back. It’s the same concept with those things that sap our energy.
It’s not just about positive thinking. It’s about healthy thinking. It’s about not comparing yourself to the person next to you. It’s about feeling good in your skin even when the world is not your friend. It is the power of attention to self or self-awareness. But we can’t stay in this place if we want to find health. Dr. Daniel Siegel says that we need to build inner resources, to develop an internal safe place, and then widen our tolerance so that we are not bombarded daily with the things that tend to impact us negatively.
I can’t offer you a safe place, but I can tell you mine. Sometimes the problem is bigger than us and so just handing it off is alright. Why? Because in a way we develop that safe place. The Twelve Steps of AA are similar. It is believing that God can restore us. This is an active decision in which we determine that God can overcome some obstacle in our lives with more control, more ease, and more wisdom than we can do in the moment. Making a conscience effort to hand it off is not really any different than going to the doctor. The only thing that makes it a safe place is when it is consistent and trusted. We can’t ask God to step in only once in a while. We also can’t ask him to step in, then not allow him to do the work. When we hand something over to another person, we don’t come take it back unless they prove themselves unworthy of the work.
The same should be with God. Using him as a safe place can teach you to trust not only him, but yourself as well. You have made a healthy choice to ask for his help in your weakness, in my eyes that makes you strong. And if you should need more resources there is a whole book full of them.
Monica Swank 